¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

I want to change this in Korean culture.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¹Ú*Çù
2021-10-18 247

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I hope the private education system in Korea will change.
In Korea, most of people can go to high schools or universities.
And the students who has rich parents live in more special place and compete among themselves.
I think this is not about ability, but about money.
I think there's discrimination.
Many Korean students go to many academies from in the morning to evening from elementary school to university and study without free time.
It's amazing that there are no Nobel Prize winner in Korea even they study a lot.
There will be no special memories. If you have friends, most of them are academy or school friends.
I think public education can fully educate children and guarantee their rights.
Even look into advanced country's education, I think they can join a global company and fulfill their dreams without fighting with studying like Korea.
I think there are many things more important than studying in living in the world.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Evan :)

Korea's culture is actually great. But like any other cultures, it also has flaws. Some people want to prolong it and some don't. It is always different based on people's perspectives. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

I hope the private education system in Korea will change.
>> CORRECT

In Korea, most of people can go to high schools or universities.
>> CORRECT

And the students who has rich parents live in more special place and compete among themselves.
>> And the students who have rich parents live in special places and compete among themselves.

I think this is not about ability, but about money.
>> I think this is not about the ability, but about money.

I think there's discrimination.
>> CORRECT

Many Korean students go to many academies from in the morning to evening from elementary school to university and study without free time.
>> Many Korean students go to many academies from morning till evening. This is going on from elementary school to to universities. 

It's amazing that there are no Nobel Prize winner in Korea even they study a lot.
>> It's amazing that there are no Nobel Prize winners in Korea even if people study a lot. 

There will be no special memories. 
>> CORRECT

If you have friends, most of them are academy or school friends.
>> If you have friends here, you would mostly meet them from school. 

I think public education can fully educate children and guarantee their rights.
>> CORRECT

Even look into advanced country's education, I think they can join a global company and fulfill their dreams without fighting with studying like Korea.
>>If we look at other country's educational system, people can still join global companies and fulfill their dreams without the competing through education. 

I think there are many things more important than studying in living in the world
>> I think there are many things that are more important than studying in living in the world. 

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
113782 Homework °¨*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-11-11 2
113781 Homework ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-11-11 227
113780 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-11-11 3
113779 Home ±è*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-11 405
113778 Do you prefer the egg white or the yolk? Why? ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-11-11 1
113777 Do you think people who are 12-17 years old should already get... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-11 259
113776 Thursday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-11-11 187
113775 What are the common gadgets used by children these days? ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-11 1
113774 What are the advantages and disadvantages of working with a... ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-11 1
113773 Do you like snow? Why or why not? ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-11 1
113772 Writing Part2 ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-11-11 192
113771 Who are the people you always check on? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2021-11-11 183
113770 Respect ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-11-11 224
113769 What was your embarrassing childhood memory? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2021-11-11 286
113768 My family relationship ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-11 2
113767 What was the most interesting thing that you did during the... ÀÌ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-11-11 176
113766 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-11 1
113765 What kind of industry do you think will thrive online in the... ¼±* ¿Ï·á 2021-11-11 376
113764 ¡°It¡¯s easy to tell when politicians lie - they move their... ¾ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-11-11 0
113763 Today, I\'d like to interest in decorating home. ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-11 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04