¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you agree that money makes the world go around? Explain your answer.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ·ù*ÁÖ
2021-10-28 426

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I don't know that it is good thing or bad thing but I think money makes the world go around.
If there is no money in this world, it will be very confusing and the law will be collapsed.
A lot of systems will be collapsed and many kinds of problems about morality will occured by many people.
So I think money is the base of a lot of systems, and it keeps the world strongly.
But sometimes, some people use this thing to the bad side.
Some people try to hide somethings evil with money.
And also some people do crime because of money.
So I think some parts of the fact that money makes the world go around are not really good.
But money is very systematic system and we have to keep it for the next generation.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi John:)

Money is very important in our lives but we shouldn't let it control us, especially our happiness. :) 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

I don't know that it is good thing or bad thing but I think money makes the world go around.
>> I don't know if that is a good thing or bad thing but I think money makes the world go around.

If there is no money in this world, it will be very confusing and the law will be collapsed.
>> If there is no money in this world, it will be very confusing and the law will collapse.

A lot of systems will be collapsed and many kinds of problems about morality will occured by many people.
>> A lot of systems will be collapse and many kinds of problems about morality will occur to  many people.

So I think money is the base of a lot of systems, and it keeps the world strongly.
>> So I think money is the base of a lot of systems, and it keeps the world strong.

But sometimes, some people use this thing to the bad side.
>> But sometimes, people use it in a bad way. 

Some people try to hide somethings evil with money.
>> Some people try to hide bad things with money. 

And also some people do crime because of money.
>> And some people also do crime because of money. 

So I think some parts of the fact that money makes the world go around are not really good.
>> So I think in some parts, money does make  the world go around. 

But money is very systematic system and we have to keep it for the next generation.
>> Money is very systematic and we need to take care of it for the next generations. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
115546 Homework ÀÌ*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-01-13 767
115545 Thank you! Fiona! °­*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-13 644
115544 game ÇÑ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-13 388
115543 Do you think that most immigrants are refugees from other... ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-01-13 3
115542 Why do you think people equate healthy to being thin? ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-01-13 5
115541 Time for Book ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-13 516
115540 2022.1.12 Àü* ¿Ï·á 2022-01-13 644
115539 2022.1.11 Àü* ¿Ï·á 2022-01-13 687
115538 Tell something about Jinju. ¾ö*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-13 1337
115537 What are the advantages of technology? Á¤*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-12 492
115536 Can you give me one superstition in South Korea? Explain in... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-01-12 429
115535 Homework ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-01-12 1391
115534 What advice would you give someone who is very busy? ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-12 1757
115533 Do you think learning how to play an instrument is important?... Ȳ*º° ¿Ï·á 2022-01-12 1120
115532 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-12 763
115531 What are you think about advantages of technology? ¹é*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-01-12 1519
115530 Comfort food ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-12 1
115529 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-12 603
115528 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-12 1
115527 Homework ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-01-12 546

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04