¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you agree that money makes the world go around? Explain your answer.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ·ù*ÁÖ
2021-10-28 427

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I don't know that it is good thing or bad thing but I think money makes the world go around.
If there is no money in this world, it will be very confusing and the law will be collapsed.
A lot of systems will be collapsed and many kinds of problems about morality will occured by many people.
So I think money is the base of a lot of systems, and it keeps the world strongly.
But sometimes, some people use this thing to the bad side.
Some people try to hide somethings evil with money.
And also some people do crime because of money.
So I think some parts of the fact that money makes the world go around are not really good.
But money is very systematic system and we have to keep it for the next generation.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi John:)

Money is very important in our lives but we shouldn't let it control us, especially our happiness. :) 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

I don't know that it is good thing or bad thing but I think money makes the world go around.
>> I don't know if that is a good thing or bad thing but I think money makes the world go around.

If there is no money in this world, it will be very confusing and the law will be collapsed.
>> If there is no money in this world, it will be very confusing and the law will collapse.

A lot of systems will be collapsed and many kinds of problems about morality will occured by many people.
>> A lot of systems will be collapse and many kinds of problems about morality will occur to  many people.

So I think money is the base of a lot of systems, and it keeps the world strongly.
>> So I think money is the base of a lot of systems, and it keeps the world strong.

But sometimes, some people use this thing to the bad side.
>> But sometimes, people use it in a bad way. 

Some people try to hide somethings evil with money.
>> Some people try to hide bad things with money. 

And also some people do crime because of money.
>> And some people also do crime because of money. 

So I think some parts of the fact that money makes the world go around are not really good.
>> So I think in some parts, money does make  the world go around. 

But money is very systematic system and we have to keep it for the next generation.
>> Money is very systematic and we need to take care of it for the next generations. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
115527 Homework ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-01-12 546
115526 Homework ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-01-12 644
115525 Homework ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-01-12 917
115524 homework °¨*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-12 1
115523 Do you make an effort to buy locally produced goods? ÀÌ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-01-12 499
115522 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-12 1
115521 Homework ±è*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-12 525
115520 Can you give me one superstition in South Korea? Explain in... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-12 638
115519 Homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-01-12 1
115518 Homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-01-12 2
115517 Wednesday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-12 396
115516 Homework ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-01-12 760
115515 Homework °­*¼± ¿Ï·á 2022-01-12 698
115514 Government¡¯s Help ÃÖ*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-12 398
115513 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-12 1
115512 Do you think learning how to play an instrument is important?... ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-01-12 2
115511 homework ±è*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-12 1
115510 Essay(Jan 12th, 2022) ³²*½Â ¿Ï·á 2022-01-12 459
115509 What did you do last weekend? What will you do this weekend? Do... Á¤*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-12 4
115508 What are popular things people enjoy doing in your country... Á¤*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-12 644

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04