¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

It is often thought that the increase in juvenile crime can be attributed to violence in the media.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*ȯ
2021-10-31 347

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In my opinion, it will be cause of juvenile crime rarely. When I was a kid, I didn't want to follow that kind of media. When I got stress, I wanted to watch provocative videos. I never got stress, after watching that media. On the contrary, I got stress for school and parents.
I didn't have solution for solving it. Video games, action movies, comic book were the way to loss stress. School teachers, parents didn't know what juvenile makes violent juvenile. they though that those things are just bad.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Hwanny! :)
Thank you for once again answering our essay question. I appreciate your honesty.
I think juvenile crimes are influenced by a lot of factors and the media shouldn't be pinpointed as the sole reason for such.
Anyhow, I hope you're having a great evening.
See you again on Wednesday. ^^
~Teacher Charry


In my opinion, it will be cause of juvenile crime rarely.
>> [DO YOU MEAN]: In my opinion, crimes caused by juveniles happen rarely.
When I was a kid, I didn't want to follow that kind of media.
>> CORRECT!
When I got stress, I wanted to watch provocative videos.
>> [DO YOU MEAN]: When I got stressed, I wanted to watch violent videos.
I never got stress, after watching that media.
>> I never got stressed, after watching that kind of media.
On the contrary, I got stress for school and parents.
>> On the contrary, I got stressed from school and because of my parents.
I didn't have solution for solving it.
>> I didn't have a solution to solve it.
Video games, action movies, comic book were the way to loss stress.
>> Video games, action movies, comic book were my ways of relieving stress.
School teachers, parents didn't know what juvenile makes violent juvenile.
>> School teachers and parents didn't know what made juveniles violent.
they though that those things are just bad.
>> They just assumed that those things are just bad.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
113558 : The tendency of human beings to copy one another is shown in... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-04 355
113557 Homework À±*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-04 562
113556 My favorite vacation ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-11-04 251
113555 I don\'t believe ghost is real ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-11-04 653
113554 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-11-04 2
113553 Some claim that men are naturally more competitive than women.... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-04 728
113552 homework ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-11-04 593
113551 For what ultimate goal do you want to speak English? ±è*¹¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-04 666
113550 Can you concentrate on other things when you are listening to... ±Ç*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-11-04 0
113549 Schools go back to Normal in Late Novemver À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-11-04 0
113548 How do you adapt to changes? ÁÖ*¼® ¿Ï·á 2021-11-04 1
113547 Do you think it is fine to have debts? Why or why not? ¾ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-11-04 0
113546 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-04 1
113545 Do you think that the movies from your country can be popular in... ¼±* ¿Ï·á 2021-11-04 334
113544 What is your favorite body language? Answer in a few sentences. ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-04 304
113543 What is your favorite body language? Answer in a few sentences. ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-04 590
113542 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-11-04 472
113541 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-11-04 271
113540 Since it\'s Halloween season, do you think ghosts are real? Why... ¹Ú*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-04 272
113539 space travel À±*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-11-04 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04