¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Korea\'s low birth rate.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*¹Î
2021-12-03 611

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Dear Don, I will talk about low birth rate of Korea continuously. As I said, Korea women has a high level education in the world. so they have a economic ability now, so they can live alone without support. old time, women could not get a job that they get a lot of money. so they have to depend on their husband. so they married when they are young. so they can get a child with easy and a lot of child. in my case, I had a 2 elder brothers and sister. but I had only one son. my elder brother also had one son too. so population is getting decrease.
These days, young people don't want to marry. so it is very serious situation. in the future, Korea will be replace foreign people.
T. Don, if you have a chance to go immigration another country, please come to Korea.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Andrew!

Happy Monday! See you later ^^

T. DON

Dear Don, I will talk about low birth rate of Korea continuously.
>> CORRECT

As I said, Korea women has a high level education in the world. so they have a economic ability now, so they can live alone without support.
>> As I said, Korean women has a high level education in the world so they can be financially stable now and they can live alone without support.

Old time, women could not get a job that they get a lot of money. so they have to depend on their husband. so they married when they are young. so they can get a child with easy and a lot of child.
>> In the old times, women could not get a job with a good salary and so they have to depend on their husband. They get married when they were young so they can get a child with ease and have a lot of children.

in my case, I had a 2 elder brothers and sister. but I had only one son. my elder brother also had one son too. so population is getting decrease.
>> In my case, I had a 2 elder brothers and a sister and I had only one son. My elder brother also had one son too. The population is decreasing.

These days, young people don't want to marry. so it is very serious situation. in the future, Korea will be replace foreign people.
>> These days, young people don't want to get married and it is a very serious situation. In the future, Korea will be replaced by foreign people.

T. Don, if you have a chance to go immigration another country, please come to Korea.
>> T. Don, if you have a chance to go to another country, please consider and come to Korea.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
112678 I forgot to cancel today¡¯s class.. È«*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-10-08 514
112677 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-08 0
112676 Can renewable energy replace fossil fuels? ¼±* ¿Ï·á 2021-10-08 809
112675 Do you think people should be honest all the time? Why or why... ·ù*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-08 1008
112674 Why do some people invite others to visit their house ¹Ú*Âù ¿Ï·á 2021-10-08 1
112673 What is the importance of being a good listener? ÁÖ*¼® ¿Ï·á 2021-10-08 1
112672 Homework ¹æ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-08 510
112671 What are the things best talked about over a drink? ¼­*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-08 437
112670 What do you like to do outside of work? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-10-07 559
112669 How can you become a successful dentist? ¾È*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-07 3
112668 Is it good to be creative? ±Ç*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-07 2
112667 What is your dream hospital to work at? Share your thoughts in a... Á¤*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-07 1639
112666 10.07 homework ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-07 2
112665 Homework ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-07 382
112664 School will be disappeared if there are not teachers. ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-07 695
112663 ¼÷Á¦ ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-07 521
112662 ESSAY ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-07 729
112661 What do you think of Paralympic Games? ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-07 477
112660 writing ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-07 1036
112659 writing ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-07 377

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04