¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What would you like to change in the education system in South Korea and why?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¹Ú*ÁÖ
2021-12-10 251

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

What would you like to change in the education system in South Korea and why?

The education system in our country has been changed when I went to school.
The purpose of education gets into college in the past.
Nowadays, educations are improved active class.
South Korea's education policies still go along with the college admission system.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Monica:) 

The students in South Korea are very competitive there's no doubt. Although, children have to undergo a lot of things to come this far. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

-Teacher Elise

The education system in our country has been changed when I went to school.
>> The education system in our country has been changed since I went to school.

The purpose of education gets into college in the past.
>> The purpose of education is to get kinds into college in the past.

Nowadays, educations are improved active class.
>> Nowadays, education is improve to make classes actively. 

South Korea's education policies still go along with the college admission system.
>>CORRECT
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
114030 What do you want to improve about your appearance? ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-19 292
114029 Today diary ¿À*°á ¿Ï·á 2021-11-19 263
114028 I think adopting pets are much better ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-11-19 350
114027 Homework ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-11-19 995
114026 calling through the phone is better for communication than... °­* ¿Ï·á 2021-11-19 368
114025 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-19 341
114024 ¼÷Á¦ Á¤*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-19 318
114023 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-11-19 352
114022 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-19 0
114021 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-19 0
114020 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-19 335
114019 Garden Â÷*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-11-19 255
114018 What are the things best talked about over a drink? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2021-11-19 256
114017 homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-11-19 2
114016 Do you think things will go back to the way they used to before... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-19 286
114015 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-11-19 0
114014 Would you rather sleep or eat when you\'re tired? ÀÌ*¶÷ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-19 4
114013 e-mail correction ¹Ú*±¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-19 3
114012 Homework ¹Ú*¸® ¿Ï·á 2021-11-19 298
114011 Homework °­*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-11-19 361

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04