¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What are the possible causes for having a vice?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*°æ
2021-12-21 1623

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Biting a nail is one of vices. But if it helps him calm down and focus on the important moment, it could be a cause of having a vice. Of course, He usually doesn't bite a nail. Only when he gets nervous or stresses out, he does his vice to relieve his stress.

There are more unconscious behavior to calm donw and help somebody to concentrate on his or her work such as pen spinning.
For me, pen spinning used to be one of my unconscious hehavior in my school days. I don't know where to learn this, and when to start this, but this behavior appeared involuntarily whenever I focused on somethiing. But not anymore.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Steve! I'm afraid your paragraph needs better construction. Please work more on sentence construction.

- Debbie


Biting a nail is one of vices.
>> Biting nails is one of the vices.

 But if it helps him calm down and focus on the important moment, it could be a cause of having a vice. 
>> If  it helps someone calm down and focus on important things, it could be a problem. It could turn into a vice.

Of course, He usually doesn't bite a nail. 
>> Of course, he doesn't usually bite his nails.

Only when he gets nervous or stresses out, he does his vice to relieve his stress.
>> He only does this when he gets nervous or stressed out to relieve his stress. 

There are more unconscious behavior to calm donw and help somebody to concentrate on his or her work such as pen spinning.
>> There are more unconscious behavior that makes somebody calm and help him/her concentrate on his/her work such as pen spinning.

For me, pen spinning used to be one of my unconscious hehavior in my school days. 
>> I used to do it in my school days.

I don't know where to learn this, and when to start this, but this behavior appeared involuntarily whenever I focused on somethiing. 
>> I don't know where I learned this and when I started this, but this behavior appeared whenever I focused on something

But not anymore.
>> Fortunately, I don't do this anymore.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
115761 If a book has been made into a movie, which do you prefer to do... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-20 767
115760 Thursday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-20 956
115759 When people from other countries think about your culture, what... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-20 1105
115758 which chores do you not like to do Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-20 947
115757 My goal ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-20 2
115756 HOMEWORK: What kind of people annoy you? ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-20 3
115755 Homework(1/20) ÀÌ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-01-20 1
115754 HOMEWORK : What are some of the andvantages and disadvantages of... ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-20 3
115753 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-20 2
115752 Homework ÀÌ*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-01-20 974
115751 Homework ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-01-20 1098
115750 > What cartoon shows are popular in your country? ÇÑ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-20 421
115749 Some people say that it is possible to tell a lot about a... ÃÖ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-01-20 875
115748 What other things do you need for you to study English? ½Å*ÈÄ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-20 866
115747 Do you think that having a lot of money can make you happy? Why... ¹Ú*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-20 1335
115746 homework °¨*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-20 1
115745 How does this pandemic change your birthday celebration? ¼­*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-20 1
115744 Is there a kind of drama that you will never watch? À±*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-20 2
115743 What made Barbara sick, if she just went to a birthday party? ¾ö*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-20 1187
115742 I\'m doing my homework...^^ ¹Ú*Çü ¿Ï·á 2022-01-19 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04