¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What are the possible causes for having a vice?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*°æ
2021-12-21 1368

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Biting a nail is one of vices. But if it helps him calm down and focus on the important moment, it could be a cause of having a vice. Of course, He usually doesn't bite a nail. Only when he gets nervous or stresses out, he does his vice to relieve his stress.

There are more unconscious behavior to calm donw and help somebody to concentrate on his or her work such as pen spinning.
For me, pen spinning used to be one of my unconscious hehavior in my school days. I don't know where to learn this, and when to start this, but this behavior appeared involuntarily whenever I focused on somethiing. But not anymore.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Steve! I'm afraid your paragraph needs better construction. Please work more on sentence construction.

- Debbie


Biting a nail is one of vices.
>> Biting nails is one of the vices.

 But if it helps him calm down and focus on the important moment, it could be a cause of having a vice. 
>> If  it helps someone calm down and focus on important things, it could be a problem. It could turn into a vice.

Of course, He usually doesn't bite a nail. 
>> Of course, he doesn't usually bite his nails.

Only when he gets nervous or stresses out, he does his vice to relieve his stress.
>> He only does this when he gets nervous or stressed out to relieve his stress. 

There are more unconscious behavior to calm donw and help somebody to concentrate on his or her work such as pen spinning.
>> There are more unconscious behavior that makes somebody calm and help him/her concentrate on his/her work such as pen spinning.

For me, pen spinning used to be one of my unconscious hehavior in my school days. 
>> I used to do it in my school days.

I don't know where to learn this, and when to start this, but this behavior appeared involuntarily whenever I focused on somethiing. 
>> I don't know where I learned this and when I started this, but this behavior appeared whenever I focused on something

But not anymore.
>> Fortunately, I don't do this anymore.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
114622 Reply to your answer ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-10 311
114621 HOMEWORK °¨*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-10 1
114620 Homework {12/10} Â÷*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-12-10 133
114619 Homework ±è*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-10 125
114618 What are the best and worst things about the convenience store... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2021-12-10 154
114617 What would you like to change in the education system in South... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-10 114
114616 If you could stop time, what would you do and why? ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-10 0
114615 Friday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-10 141
114614 ¿µ¾îÀϱ⠹®¹ý ¿À·ù±³Á¤ ¹× ´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥ÇöÀ¸·Î ±³Á¤... ÇÏ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-10 8
114613 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-12-10 0
114612 Homework °­*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-12-10 185
114611 Homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-10 0
114610 What is a successful life? ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-10 120
114609 Have you ever tried commuting in a foreign country? Write about... ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-10 301
114608 12/9 ³ë*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-10 195
114607 What do you like about the city you are living in? ±Ý*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-10 209
114606 What would you like to change in the education system in South... ¹Ú*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-10 137
114605 Homework ¹æ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-10 238
114604 my homework ¹Ú*¸í ¿Ï·á 2021-12-10 0
114603 Do you like meeting new people? Why is that? ±Ý*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-10 758

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04