¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Because of people\'s greed

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿ì
2022-01-25 301

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Rhinos became endangered because of too much poaching. People poached them because of their ivory, and leather. In the past, rhino's ivory was used as very good medicine. Because of this reason, people poached a lot of rhinos. Since people wanted to get ivory with saving them, people only cut rhino's ivory. But if there are not ivory to rhino, then it is same disappearing rhino's weapon, so it was still bad way to save rhino. In addition, recently rhino is hunted because people can make narcotic with it. Then how can we save them? The way is only one. We have to tell that poaching rhino have to be stopped. However, people don't do that small behavior. I think people and I have to change their mind, that 'Other people will do.'

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello, Daniel! Thank you for an impressive work. You did some research. Excellent! Keep up the good job! 

- Teacher Debbie

Rhinos became endangered because of too much poaching.
>> This is a good sentence.

 People poached them because of their ivory, and leather. 
>>  People poached them because of their ivory and leather. 

In the past, rhino's ivory was used as very good medicine.
>> In the past, a rhino's ivory was used as medicine.

 Because of this reason, people poached a lot of rhinos. 
>> Because of this, people poached a lot of rhinos.

Since people wanted to get ivory with saving them, people only cut rhino's ivory. 
>> Since people only wanted to get the ivory, they just cut them from the rhinos. 

But if there are not ivory to rhino, then it is same disappearing rhino's weapon, so it was still bad way to save rhino. 
>> However, without their ivory, rhinos don't have weapons to protect themselves. 

In addition, recently rhino is hunted because people can make narcotic with it. 
>> In addition, rhinos are hunted because people can make narcotics with them.

Then how can we save them? 
>>  This is a good sentence.

The way is only one. 
>> There is only one way.

We have to tell that poaching rhino have to be stopped. 
>> We have to tell people that poaching rhinos has to stop. 

However, people don't do that small behavior. 
>> However, people don't do this.

I think people and I have to change their mind, that 'Other people will do.'
>> What do you mean?
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
117326 What was the best help you have received? ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-14 863
117325 If you were a dinosaur, which one would you be? ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-14 491
117324 If you could change your name would you? What would it be? Why... ¹é*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-03-14 327
117323 What kind of music ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-14 0
117322 How can you contribute? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-03-14 496
117321 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-03-14 1361
117320 Choose any of these sentences to complete with correct... ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-14 302
117319 Homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-03-14 6
117318 What kind of medicine would you like to be discovered/invented? ½Å*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-03-14 605
117317 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-03-14 0
117316 Ice cream ¼Û*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-03-14 830
117315 Homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-03-14 2
117314 Do you believe in aliens? Why or why not? ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-14 429
117313 Homework ±è*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-14 306
117312 Monday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-03-14 713
117311 About the mobile telephones. ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-03-14 854
117310 Homework ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-03-14 540
117309 Have a nice day! °­*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-14 844
117308 Ailens ÃÖ*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-03-14 776
117307 Do you think one type of natural disaster is worse than another?... ¼º*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-03-14 455

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04