¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Because of people\'s greed

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿ì
2022-01-25 289

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Rhinos became endangered because of too much poaching. People poached them because of their ivory, and leather. In the past, rhino's ivory was used as very good medicine. Because of this reason, people poached a lot of rhinos. Since people wanted to get ivory with saving them, people only cut rhino's ivory. But if there are not ivory to rhino, then it is same disappearing rhino's weapon, so it was still bad way to save rhino. In addition, recently rhino is hunted because people can make narcotic with it. Then how can we save them? The way is only one. We have to tell that poaching rhino have to be stopped. However, people don't do that small behavior. I think people and I have to change their mind, that 'Other people will do.'

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello, Daniel! Thank you for an impressive work. You did some research. Excellent! Keep up the good job! 

- Teacher Debbie

Rhinos became endangered because of too much poaching.
>> This is a good sentence.

 People poached them because of their ivory, and leather. 
>>  People poached them because of their ivory and leather. 

In the past, rhino's ivory was used as very good medicine.
>> In the past, a rhino's ivory was used as medicine.

 Because of this reason, people poached a lot of rhinos. 
>> Because of this, people poached a lot of rhinos.

Since people wanted to get ivory with saving them, people only cut rhino's ivory. 
>> Since people only wanted to get the ivory, they just cut them from the rhinos. 

But if there are not ivory to rhino, then it is same disappearing rhino's weapon, so it was still bad way to save rhino. 
>> However, without their ivory, rhinos don't have weapons to protect themselves. 

In addition, recently rhino is hunted because people can make narcotic with it. 
>> In addition, rhinos are hunted because people can make narcotics with them.

Then how can we save them? 
>>  This is a good sentence.

The way is only one. 
>> There is only one way.

We have to tell that poaching rhino have to be stopped. 
>> We have to tell people that poaching rhinos has to stop. 

However, people don't do that small behavior. 
>> However, people don't do this.

I think people and I have to change their mind, that 'Other people will do.'
>> What do you mean?
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
117267 What was you most unforgettable moment in your hometown? Why? ½Å*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-03-11 751
117266 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-11 565
117265 What is your favorite place. Why? ½Å*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-03-11 771
117264 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-11 0
117263 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-11 0
117262 Have you ever eaten something that made you ill? ¹é*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-03-11 1159
117261 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-03-11 387
117260 First homework : Things that make me happy. À±*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-11 483
117259 Give 5 road signs that I know. ¼Û*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-03-11 498
117258 What is your reaction now that Yoon Seok-youl is the new... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-11 691
117257 What is your reaction now that Yoon Seok-youl is the new... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-03-11 0
117256 I don\'t have any trust to him... ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-03-11 837
117255 Homework ±è*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-11 809
117254 words ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-11 512
117253 If we don\'t have a social media app at all. ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-03-11 401
117252 Friday homeowrk ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-03-11 442
117251 Homework ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-03-11 499
117250 Homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-03-11 7
117249 Are you willing to die for your country? Share your ideas in a... ³ë*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-11 1
117248 What is your reaction now that Yoon Seok-youl is the new... ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-11 757

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04