¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What do you think is the worst invention ever and why?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ·ù*ÁÖ
2022-02-21 651

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In my opinion, guns, bombs, and other weapons are the worst invention ever.
I can't know the exact purpose of those weapons, but nowadays, people are killing one another with those weapons.
Because of these things, people who don't have any faults are dying.
And we shouldn't make these kinds of circumstances.
That's why I think the weapons such as guns, and bombs are the worst invention to the humans.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi John:)

I heard from one of my students that the inventor of bombs didn't intend to make it to kill other people, but to use it for mining. So, there are different  usages for these weapons but people use it for violence. Many innocent people are greatly  affected by this. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon!

In my opinion, guns, bombs, and other weapons are the worst invention ever.
>>In my opinion, guns, bombs, and other weapons are the worst inventions ever.

I can't know the exact purpose of those weapons, but nowadays, people are killing one another with those weapons.
>> I know the exact purpose of those weapons, but nowadays, people are using it to kill one another. 

Because of these things, people who don't have any faults are dying.
>> Because of these things, many people become victims. 

And we shouldn't make these kinds of circumstances.
>> CORRECT

That's why I think the weapons such as guns, and bombs are the worst invention to the humans.
>> That's why I think the weapons such as guns, and bombs are the worst invention by humans.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
115350 What do you consider about a place/apartment/accommodation to... ±Ý*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-01-07 538
115349 Vaccine pass enforcement at cram schools, study rooms suspended À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-01-07 1
115348 Koreans drawn to unhealthy bread À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-01-07 1
115347 Celltrion\'s COVID-19 candidate treatment shows safety in... À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-01-07 1
115346 the court ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-07 1308
115345 What job do you think most kids your age want to be? ÇÑ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-07 370
115344 writing3 ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-07 965
115343 writing3 ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-07 0
115342 writing2 ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-07 0
115341 writing ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-07 0
115340 Homework 7th, Jan, 2022 ³²*½Â ¿Ï·á 2022-01-07 1341
115339 What preparation will you do before an interview to make a good... ¹Ú*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-07 596
115338 If you can invent something, what would it be? ¹Ú*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-07 966
115337 Why is sleep important? ÁÖ*¼® ¿Ï·á 2022-01-07 1
115336 2022.1.6 Àü* ¿Ï·á 2022-01-07 981
115335 homework ¹®*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-07 505
115334 If you can cook one food every day, What would it be and why? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-01-07 485
115333 my compostion related to work ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-06 2
115332 I can enjoy these five food in winter! ¼º*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-06 362
115331 Do you think that children these days have a better or worse... ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-06 788

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04