¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Our thoughts determine our happiness.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*ÁØ
2022-03-04 887

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think there are lots of influences in our life, depending on the degree of diet, our appearance will be changed. For example, before dieting i was fat and after dieting i changed to slim properly. First of all, This is good for my health.

And then, my friends told me ¡° You are good, you look healthy, you can control your life well\", and so on. When I heard those, I felt proud. Sometimes pride gives me confidence or courage. And I can do my job better, even if I make a mistake. That is the positive influence of a successful diet.

But many people fail on their diets. or although they were successful for a certain period, after the period, they will gain more weight. It¡¯s called the ¡°yo-yo effect¡±. Of course I experienced that. At that time I was disappointed. I think this is real life.

Depending on what we think of it. Our life will be happy or not.
Anyway, I hope I will be happy and my teacher will also be happy and healthy.

Thank you.I expect to meet you in the next class.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Elliot!

Another well answered homework! Your diet and your point of view in life is really worthy of respect. I am also happy to hear positive stories like yours! Like how your friends give you compliments and how you can see the results that you now reap. It also inspires me to work on myself. Thank you too for wishing me health and happiness! I wish it upon you and your family too.

For today's corrections, not much grammar corrections! Instead, please look at the punctuations you used, as well the as capitalization of "I". These are very minor errors, so good job! But since they are minor errors, it is best if you can adapt and fix them immediately next time.
Thank you again for your everlasting effort, and I promise this will help you improve a lot.

Have a nice weekend!
-Teacher Violet 

I think there are lots of influences in our life, depending on the degree of diet, our appearance will be changed. 

>> CORRECT!

OR >> ¡¦our appearance will change depending on the degree of diet.   

 

For example, before dieting i was fat and after dieting i changed to slim properly. 

>> For example, before dieting I was fat and after dieting I changed to slim properly. 



First of all, This is good for my health.

>> First of all, this is good for my health.


And then, my friends told me ¡° You are good, you look healthy, you can control your life well\", and so on. 

>> And then, my friends told me ¡°You are good, you look healthy, you can control your life well", and so on. 


When I heard those, I felt proud. 

>> CORRECT!


Sometimes pride gives me confidence or courage. 

>> CORRECT!

And I can do my job better, even if I make a mistake. 

>> CORRECT!

That is the positive influence of a successful diet.

>> CORRECT!
OR >> Those are the positive influences of a successful diet.

But many people fail on their diets. or although they were successful for a certain period, after the period, they will gain more weight. 

>> But many people fail on their diets, or although they were successful for a certain period, after the period, they will gain more weight. 



It¡¯s called the ¡°yo-yo effect¡±. 

>> CORRECT!

Of course I experienced that. 

>> Of course, I experienced that. 



At that time I was disappointed. 

>> CORRECT!

I think this is real life.

>> CORRECT!

Depending on what we think of it. Our life will be happy or not.

>> Depending on what we think of it, our life will be happy or not.



Anyway, I hope I will be happy and my teacher will also be happy and healthy.

>> CORRECT! Aw, thank you so much!!! You too!

Thank you. 

>> CORRECT!

I expect to meet you in the next class.

>> CORRECT! See you too~
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
119024 [Homework] What factor may result in the breakdown of a good... ÃÖ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-05-15 4
119023 Homework Á¤*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-15 771
119022 Homework Á¤*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-15 580
119021 Homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-15 664
119020 Do you think blind dates are a good way to meet someone special?... ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-15 948
119019 What would you do if you had to travel to a country where its... ±è*Áö ¿Ï·á 2022-05-15 623
119018 homework ÀÌ*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2022-05-15 2
119017 Which one do you think is better, living with relatives or... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-05-15 0
119016 If you can recommend a Korean dish to a foreigner, what would it... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-05-15 0
119015 What is the most memorable birthday you\'ve ever had? Explain... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-05-15 0
119014 homework Á¤*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-05-15 534
119013 Is there something you wish you could do with your free time but... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-05-15 0
119012 Easy ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-15 2
119011 What are your short-term and long-term goals? ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-05-15 698
119010 Colleague-2 ¿°*¿¹ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-15 7
119009 What else do you want to learn aside from your major? Answer in... ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-14 641
119008 Middle school ¿°*¿¹ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-14 6
119007 Drama ¿°*¿¹ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-14 5
119006 What is the most memorable birthday you\'ve ever had? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-05-14 702
119005 What was the most memorable school activity you experienced when... ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-14 603

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04