¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Our thoughts determine our happiness.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*ÁØ
2022-03-04 883

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think there are lots of influences in our life, depending on the degree of diet, our appearance will be changed. For example, before dieting i was fat and after dieting i changed to slim properly. First of all, This is good for my health.

And then, my friends told me ¡° You are good, you look healthy, you can control your life well\", and so on. When I heard those, I felt proud. Sometimes pride gives me confidence or courage. And I can do my job better, even if I make a mistake. That is the positive influence of a successful diet.

But many people fail on their diets. or although they were successful for a certain period, after the period, they will gain more weight. It¡¯s called the ¡°yo-yo effect¡±. Of course I experienced that. At that time I was disappointed. I think this is real life.

Depending on what we think of it. Our life will be happy or not.
Anyway, I hope I will be happy and my teacher will also be happy and healthy.

Thank you.I expect to meet you in the next class.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Elliot!

Another well answered homework! Your diet and your point of view in life is really worthy of respect. I am also happy to hear positive stories like yours! Like how your friends give you compliments and how you can see the results that you now reap. It also inspires me to work on myself. Thank you too for wishing me health and happiness! I wish it upon you and your family too.

For today's corrections, not much grammar corrections! Instead, please look at the punctuations you used, as well the as capitalization of "I". These are very minor errors, so good job! But since they are minor errors, it is best if you can adapt and fix them immediately next time.
Thank you again for your everlasting effort, and I promise this will help you improve a lot.

Have a nice weekend!
-Teacher Violet 

I think there are lots of influences in our life, depending on the degree of diet, our appearance will be changed. 

>> CORRECT!

OR >> ¡¦our appearance will change depending on the degree of diet.   

 

For example, before dieting i was fat and after dieting i changed to slim properly. 

>> For example, before dieting I was fat and after dieting I changed to slim properly. 



First of all, This is good for my health.

>> First of all, this is good for my health.


And then, my friends told me ¡° You are good, you look healthy, you can control your life well\", and so on. 

>> And then, my friends told me ¡°You are good, you look healthy, you can control your life well", and so on. 


When I heard those, I felt proud. 

>> CORRECT!


Sometimes pride gives me confidence or courage. 

>> CORRECT!

And I can do my job better, even if I make a mistake. 

>> CORRECT!

That is the positive influence of a successful diet.

>> CORRECT!
OR >> Those are the positive influences of a successful diet.

But many people fail on their diets. or although they were successful for a certain period, after the period, they will gain more weight. 

>> But many people fail on their diets, or although they were successful for a certain period, after the period, they will gain more weight. 



It¡¯s called the ¡°yo-yo effect¡±. 

>> CORRECT!

Of course I experienced that. 

>> Of course, I experienced that. 



At that time I was disappointed. 

>> CORRECT!

I think this is real life.

>> CORRECT!

Depending on what we think of it. Our life will be happy or not.

>> Depending on what we think of it, our life will be happy or not.



Anyway, I hope I will be happy and my teacher will also be happy and healthy.

>> CORRECT! Aw, thank you so much!!! You too!

Thank you. 

>> CORRECT!

I expect to meet you in the next class.

>> CORRECT! See you too~
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
118977 Strange food in China Àå*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2022-05-13 791
118976 If you can change something about the government of South Korea,... ÀÌ* ¿Ï·á 2022-05-13 2
118975 the school ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-13 564
118974 Homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-13 726
118973 Is there something you wish you could do with your free time but... ¹Ú*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-13 734
118972 Where do you prefer to live when you retire, in the city or in... ÁÖ*¼® ¿Ï·á 2022-05-13 1
118971 5.12 Àü* ¿Ï·á 2022-05-13 517
118970 5.12 Àü* ¿Ï·á 2022-05-13 688
118969 Homework. ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-05-13 11
118968 Do you think gadgets improved our lives? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-05-13 1
118967 Is there something you wish you could do with your free time but... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-05-13 864
118966 What do you miss most about your childhood? ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-12 780
118965 5/12 HOMEWORK ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-12 705
118964 homework ÀÌ*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2022-05-12 3
118963 Why do many people from different parts of the world want to... ±è*Áö ¿Ï·á 2022-05-12 942
118962 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-05-12 1
118961 HOMEWORK ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-05-12 2
118960 Why do people sometimes think that doing homework is boring? ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-12 2
118959 Homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-05-12 3
118958 Right? ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-05-12 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04