¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Give me one big mistake that you have done and what lesson have you learned from it.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ½Å*¼·
2022-03-15 736

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

When I was at 10 years old, I stole money from my grandmother's wallet. so my parents took off my clothes and threw me out in the middle of winter. Fortunately, no one saw it because it was an apartment. I learned it's hard to make money. :)

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Elic!

Oh dear! I was shocked when I was reading your answer. That experience is eye-opening. Hahaha!

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon!

When I was at 10 years old, I stole money from my grandmother's wallet. 
>> CORRECT

so my parents took off my clothes and threw me out in the middle of winter. 
>>So my parents took off my clothes and threw me out in the middle of winter. 

Fortunately, no one saw it because it was an apartment.
>> CORRECT

 I learned it's hard to make money. :)
>>  I learned it's hard to earn money. :)

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
117942 Writing Task(Apr 1th, 2022) ³²*½Â ¿Ï·á 2022-04-02 691
117941 Are you afraid of getting old? Why or why not? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-04-02 457
117940 Be careful! Ȳ*±¸ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-01 1098
117939 4/1 homework ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-01 486
117938 homework Á¤*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-04-01 649
117937 The best birthday present I ever received. ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-04-01 538
117936 Homework ÀÌ*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-04-01 751
117935 About junk food. ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-04-01 605
117934 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-01 268
117933 home work ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-04-01 766
117932 home work ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-04-01 646
117931 What¡¯s the best birthday present you¡¯ve ever been given? What... ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-01 379
117930 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-04-01 499
117929 homework ÀÌ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-01 435
117928 City With Changes ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-01 767
117927 Do you think there is still inequality between men and women... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-01 406
117926 What is the best gift you have ever received and why is it so... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-04-01 0
117925 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-04-01 577
117924 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-04-01 381
117923 Friday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-04-01 527

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04