¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Homework!(About beauty)

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: À±*°æ
2022-03-21 619

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think it depends on the job.

People who show their appearance around need a beautiful appearance. For example, celebrities and people in the service industry can benefit more by cultivating themselves and looking beautiful.

However, people with other jobs don't have to be beautiful. Instead, you have to develop your own abilities and express yourself.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Happy Monday, Hazel! ^^
You've made great sentences in this composition. 
Keep it up!

- T. Rina

1. I think it depends on the job.
>> CORRECT!

2. People who show their appearance around need a beautiful appearance. 
>> CORRECT!
OR: People who always appear in front of many people need to look physically beautiful.

3. For example, celebrities and people in the service industry can benefit more by cultivating themselves and looking beautiful.
>> CORRECT!

4. However, people with other jobs don't have to be beautiful. 
>> CORRECT!

5. Instead, you have to develop your own abilities and express yourself.
>> CORRECT!
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
116912 Most South Koreans Support Nuclear Weapons Development À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-03-01 1
116911 Discount ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-01 1
116910 2022.2.25 Àü* ¿Ï·á 2022-03-01 1085
116909 202z.2.28 Àü* ¿Ï·á 2022-03-01 802
116908 Writing Task(Feb 27th, 2022) ³²*½Â ¿Ï·á 2022-03-01 872
116907 HOMEWORK ¹è*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-01 785
116906 Writing Task (Feb 28th, 2022) ³²*½Â ¿Ï·á 2022-03-01 420
116905 What makes me happy. ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-02-28 915
116904 Homework ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-28 1
116903 2/28 homework ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-28 733
116902 South Korea is about to approve vaccinating children ages 5-11.... Ȳ*º° ¿Ï·á 2022-02-28 1761
116901 Do you think people can move objects without touching them... ½Å*ÈÄ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-28 639
116900 What comes to mind when you hear the word ¡®war¡¯? How do you... Àü*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-02-28 611
116899 The best thing when we take online class ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-02-28 551
116898 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-28 845
116897 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-02-28 533
116896 What are the 2 special holidays in your country? / What\'s your... ÁÖ*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-02-28 536
116895 homework °¨*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-02-28 0
116894 Homework ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-02-28 422
116893 Homework ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-02-28 940

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04