¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you think it is important for men to join the military service in South Korea? Why or why not?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ·ù*ÁÖ
2022-03-22 1413

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In my opinion, actually, the war between South Korea and North Korea is already over.
We can see that North Korea is making a lot of weapons and doing experiments.
But I think it is not a signal for the war, it is just a sign that they could protect themselves from other threats.
U.S wants to keep in check to China, and North Korea knows it.
Because of that, North Korea is afraid of the attack from U.S.
So I think they are making a lot of weapons and the experiments about them.
And also if they make a war with South Korea, then they will get more damages because of the war.
But we have to always be careful about the war.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi John! 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

In my opinion, actually, the war between South Korea and North Korea is already over.
>> In my opinion, the war between South Korea and North Korea is already over.

We can see that North Korea is making a lot of weapons and doing experiments.
>>CORRECT

But I think it is not a signal for the war, it is just a sign that they could protect themselves from other threats.
>> But I think that it is not a signal for the war, it is just a sign that they could protect themselves from other threats.

U.S wants to keep in check to China, and North Korea knows it.
>> The USA wants to keep in check with China and North Korea knows it. 

Because of that, North Korea is afraid of the attack from U.S.
>> And because of that, North Korea is afraid of USA. 

So I think they are making a lot of weapons and the experiments about them.
>> I think that they are making a lot of weapons and the experiments about them.

And also if they make a war with South Korea, then they will get more damages because of the war.
>> Also, if there is a war here in South Korea, it will cause a lot of damages. 

But we have to always be careful about the war.
>> This is why we have to be careful regarding wars. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
117136 If you had a million dollars, what would you do? ¼º*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-03-08 911
117135 Do you think it is necessary to experiment on animals to test... ¼º*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-03-08 1286
117134 Why Fintech? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-03-08 953
117133 Tell me something you know about Dinosaurs. ÁÖ*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-03-08 431
117132 Why Bloomberg? (Why did you choose to apply in Bloomberg?) ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-03-08 1304
117131 What do you know about the Bloomberg? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-03-08 1166
117130 Homework ÀÌ*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-03-08 932
117129 China\'s birth rate at record low in 2021 À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-03-08 2
117128 Homework ¹æ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-08 1171
117127 If you were planning a party on a very small budget, what would... ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-08 975
117126 manpower ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-08 1221
117125 homework ÇÏ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-08 3
117124 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-08 2
117123 Homework ÀÓ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-08 743
117122 Where do you usually get information about job hiring? Why do... ·ù*¼± ¿Ï·á 2022-03-08 767
117121 Do you like meeting new people? ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-08 1137
117120 How did you and your husband meet? Was it love at first sight? ¼­*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-08 1214
117119 2022.3.7 Àü* ¿Ï·á 2022-03-08 1252
117118 Playground ÀÌ*³ª ¿Ï·á 2022-03-08 850
117117 homework Á¤*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-03-08 853

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04