¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Jake\'s wirting homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: °­*ÀÌ
2023-07-18 4574

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I agree with that, because if you want to enjoy something, you should practice hard for it. Also, there are lots of proverbs that relate to this. Ex: No pain No gain or Dream is not easy. Many famous people always say that they worked very hard to get to this position. So, we can know that if we want to achieve our goal, we should work really hard.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there Jake! This was a good start for your writing however, I'd like to inform you that IELTS Writing Task 2 requires 250 words!  Nevertheless, you should practice writing longer next time. Have a goodnight!
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
I agree with that, because if you want to enjoy something, you should practice hard for it.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
OR>>> I agree with the statement because if you want to enjoy something, you should practice hardly. 
 Also, there are lots of proverbs that relate to this. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
OR>>> Moreover, there are proverbs which are related to this. 
Ex: No pain No gain or Dreams are not easy.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 Many famous people always say that they worked very hard to get to this position. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
OR>> Many famous people always quote that they strived hard to get to their position. 
So, we can know that if we want to achieve our goal, we should work really hard.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
OR>> So, we know that if we want to achieve our goal, we should work really hard.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
133693 Today\'s homework ÀÌ*µµ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-06 3523
133692 What is your favorite foreign food? How is it different from... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2024-01-06 2736
133691 Homework ±è*´ã ¿Ï·á 2024-01-06 2114
133690 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-06 1
133689 Do you ever buy things and then think it was a mistake? ±è*¼ø ¿Ï·á 2024-01-05 3053
133688 What makes your family special? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-01-05 2632
133687 Keeping in touch with our loved ones ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-01-05 2027
133686 Filling in blanks ±è*À² ¿Ï·á 2024-01-05 2329
133685 Free writing ±è*À² ¿Ï·á 2024-01-05 2437
133684 homework 01.05 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2024-01-05 3086
133683 homework ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-01-05 2112
133682 What\'s one thing you\'ll do to recharge and refresh for the... ¿¡*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-01-05 1
133681 What is your ideal vacation? Why? ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-05 2586
133680 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-05 0
133679 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-05 0
133678 Which one is easier, to be a follower or a leader? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-01-05 2669
133677 Do you like wearing school uniforms? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-01-05 2885
133676 My weekend Á¤*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-01-05 0
133675 homework ¼Õ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-05 4136
133674 Homework Á¤*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-05 2731

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04