¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

wealthy, poorer nations

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¹Î
2025-03-08 907

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

One of the biggest challenges we face today is how to deal with poorer nations.
Some argue that poorer nations should develop their resources themselves.
However, I believe that wealthy countries need to help counterpart of them.

One primary reason is that each country cannot alive alone.
When it comes to biological cycle, every creatures exist by helping one another.
Occasion of Korea is a good example.
In the past, Korea was dominated by Japan and suffered War.
These things made the nation poor.
Fortunately, A majority of neighbor countries helped Korea so it can develop from the bottom of economy.
In conclusion, wealthy nations should share their goods to poorer nations.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Seung Min!
Your ideas are strong.
I just refined the grammar and word choice for clarity and natural flow. 
If you have questions, don't hesitate to ask.^^
~~ Teacher Sharon
One of the biggest challenges we face today is how to deal with poorer nations.
>> Correct
Some argue that poorer nations should develop their resources themselves.
>> Correct
However, I believe that wealthy countries need to help counterpart of them.
>> However, I believe that wealthy countries need to help as their counterparts.
One primary reason is that each country cannot alive alone.
>> One primary reason is that no country can survive alone.
When it comes to biological cycle, every creatures exist by helping one another.
>> When it comes to the biological cycle, all creatures exist by helping one another.
Occasion of Korea is a good example.
>> The case of Korea is a good example.
In the past, Korea was dominated by Japan and suffered War.
>> In the past, Korea was dominated by Japan and suffered through war.
These things made the nation poor.
>> These events left the nation in poverty.
Fortunately, A majority of neighbor countries helped Korea so it can develop from the bottom of economy.
>> Fortunately, a majority of neighboring countries helped Korea, allowing it to rebuild its economy from the ground up.
In conclusion, wealthy nations should share their goods to poorer nations.
>> In conclusion, wealthy nations should share their resources with poorer nations.



¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
142807 Do you think holidays are too commercialized? ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-02 996
142806 Some companies use a flexible time schedule and employees can... ¼Û*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-01 840
142805 What kind of food do you not like? ¼Û*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-01 1
142804 Have you ever heard about the MZ Generation before? What do you... ±Ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-03-01 2
142803 How important is customer service in a restaurant? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2025-02-28 663
142802 Describe your ideal supermarket. Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-28 930
142801 Annoying requests È«*Àº ¿Ï·á 2025-02-28 894
142800 So nice winter break ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-02-28 2
142799 Describe a wolf. À¯*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-02-28 948
142798 homework ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-02-28 874
142797 Who do you usually go to restaurants with? ¼Û*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-28 1
142796 In what ways can tourism help improve a country\'s... °­*À² ¿Ï·á 2025-02-28 1
142795 Do you enjoy pairing coffee with a specific type of food or... ³ë*ö ¿Ï·á 2025-02-28 940
142794 What is the most interesting part of learning English ? ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-28 916
142793 Learning English from a native speaker ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-28 906
142792 Homework ¿À*º½ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-28 0
142791 What characteristics have you inherited from your parents? Do... ±è*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-28 956
142790 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-27 0
142789 homework ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2025-02-27 971
142788 homework ±è*¼Ö ¿Ï·á 2025-02-27 1024

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04