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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

homework

작성자: 조*현
2025-03-12 432

회원님의 영작문



please check my file.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello, Bo Hyeon!
Your response has a lot of great details, and I can see that you put effort into describing your experience in Tokyo! You included key information about where you went, who you traveled with, and what you enjoyed the most, which is great for IELTS. However, to make your writing clearer and more fluent, focus on improving sentence structure, word choice, and transitions between ideas. Some sentences feel a little unnatural, and there are a few grammar mistakes, especially with verb tense and articles. Try to use more descriptive words instead of repeating the same phrases, and work on making your ideas flow smoothly from one to the next. Keep practicing, and you'll get better! ^^

Please prepare for the class. See you!
~ Trixia

CONTENT:
I’ve gone a lot of country, among the various country, I would recommend Tokyo
in Janpan.
- I’ve traveled to many countries, and among them, I would recommend Tokyo, Japan.
I’ve sticked around for 2 days Shibuya in Tokyo with mom before a year ago.

- I stayed in Shibuya for two days with my mom about a year ago. 

We had vistied to Time Scramble in Shibuya, and we were very surprised because
we didn’t know that how many many dessert shop they had.
- We visited the famous Shibuya Scramble and were surprised by the number of dessert shops there.
Actually, I’m interested in desserts and pastries so I couldn’t wait to try a lot of
cakes and chocolates, moreover they had a reasonable prices.
- Since I love desserts and pastries, I couldn’t wait to try a variety of cakes and chocolates. They were also reasonably priced.
I bought 2 pieces of cakes and some chocolate and tried them and gussed which
ingredients they had.
- I bought two pieces of cake and some chocolate, tasted them, and tried to guess the ingredients.
All desserts was great but, Especially, the chocolate had an impressive flavor and
texture, in my opinion there was some alcohol and a little bisket within chocolate.
- All the desserts were excellent, but I especially loved the chocolate. It had a rich flavor and smooth texture. In my opinion, there was a hint of alcohol and a touch of biscuit inside.
After we sent enjoy time in the Scramble, I went to Tokyo tower next day.
I saw the whole Tokyo in the tower, I felt overwhelmed by the beautiful scenery.
- After enjoying our time at the Scramble, I visited Tokyo Tower the next day. Seeing the entire city from the tower was breathtaking. 
Although I don’t like to go high place like tower or building, Tokyo tower was
really huge and nice place.

- Although I don’t usually like high places such as towers or tall buildings, Tokyo Tower was massive and a fantastic place to visit.

One of the most best thing while We traveling in Japan, we gained confidence of
speak with foreigner and could learn their culture and life style.

- One of the best things about traveling in Japan was gaining confidence in speaking with foreigners and learning about their culture and way of life.

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첨부 파일은 원활한 첨삭을 위한 참고자료로 사용될 뿐,
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02
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첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
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03
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04

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