¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What do you like to do in your free time?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ³ë*ö
2025-03-14 370

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I want to do something that makes my mind and body comfortable together in my free time.
But even though my body is resting, I find myself my mind constantly thinks about something.
I don't know if I'll ever find a real rest which both my mind and body are comfortable while I'm alive.
Because I feel more tired if the work that I thought was resting both in mind and body takes a little longer.
The free time I want doesn't matter what I do, but it's the time when I can do what comes to mind.
Time to control my rest and tension and doing what comes to mind right away, that's what I want to do in my free time.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi David, you¡¯ve expressed your thoughts deeply and meaningfully! I made some corrections to improve clarity, sentence flow, and natural phrasing. Your writing effectively conveys the struggle of finding true rest, which makes it very relatable. Keep up the great work!

~ T. Lia

I want to do something that makes my mind and body comfortable together in my free time.
>> I want to do something that makes both my mind and body feel at ease in my free time.

But even though my body is resting, I find myself my mind constantly thinks about something.
>> But even when my body is resting, I find that my mind is constantly thinking about something.

I don't know if I'll ever find a real rest which both my mind and body are comfortable while I'm alive.
>> I don't know if I'll ever experience true rest, where both my mind and body feel at ease, while I'm alive.

Because I feel more tired if the work that I thought was resting both in mind and body takes a little longer.
>> In fact, I feel even more tired if an activity I thought would be restful for both my mind and body lasts too long.

The free time I want doesn't matter what I do, but it's the time when I can do what comes to mind.
>> The kind of free time I want isn¡¯t about what I do, but about having the freedom to do whatever comes to mind.

Time to control my rest and tension and doing what comes to mind right away, that's what I want to do in my free time.
>> Having the ability to balance rest and tension while doing whatever comes to mind, that¡¯s what I truly want in my free time. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
142643 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-02-20 2
142642 How do you define violence? Why do you think violence occurs in... Á¤*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-20 701
142641 The homework for February 19th. Á¶*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-20 713
142640 Why do you think body language is important? ÇÑ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-20 741
142639 The five ways to protect our bodies, especially washing hands ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-02-20 2
142638 What is your favorite shop in your neighborhood, and why? ÀÌ*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2025-02-20 2
142637 At night~ Á¤*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-20 751
142636 2025.02.20 homework! ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-20 781
142635 If you could go on vacation anywhere in the world for free,... ¼Û*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-20 1
142634 Homework🥰 ¿À*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-20 695
142633 introduction of yourself ÀÌ*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-20 819
142632 Homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-20 809
142631 How important is patience for a violin class leader? ³ë*ö ¿Ï·á 2025-02-20 627
142630 Homework ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-02-20 647
142629 young fashion ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-20 1
142628 hurt ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-20 1
142627 2/19 Homework ±Ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-02-20 703
142626 Are there many Koreans who change their names ? What is usually... ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-20 936
142625 MY MBTI ±è*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-20 772
142624 How do you usually handle stress? ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-02-20 689

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04