¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What do you like to do in your free time?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ³ë*ö
2025-03-14 369

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I want to do something that makes my mind and body comfortable together in my free time.
But even though my body is resting, I find myself my mind constantly thinks about something.
I don't know if I'll ever find a real rest which both my mind and body are comfortable while I'm alive.
Because I feel more tired if the work that I thought was resting both in mind and body takes a little longer.
The free time I want doesn't matter what I do, but it's the time when I can do what comes to mind.
Time to control my rest and tension and doing what comes to mind right away, that's what I want to do in my free time.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi David, you¡¯ve expressed your thoughts deeply and meaningfully! I made some corrections to improve clarity, sentence flow, and natural phrasing. Your writing effectively conveys the struggle of finding true rest, which makes it very relatable. Keep up the great work!

~ T. Lia

I want to do something that makes my mind and body comfortable together in my free time.
>> I want to do something that makes both my mind and body feel at ease in my free time.

But even though my body is resting, I find myself my mind constantly thinks about something.
>> But even when my body is resting, I find that my mind is constantly thinking about something.

I don't know if I'll ever find a real rest which both my mind and body are comfortable while I'm alive.
>> I don't know if I'll ever experience true rest, where both my mind and body feel at ease, while I'm alive.

Because I feel more tired if the work that I thought was resting both in mind and body takes a little longer.
>> In fact, I feel even more tired if an activity I thought would be restful for both my mind and body lasts too long.

The free time I want doesn't matter what I do, but it's the time when I can do what comes to mind.
>> The kind of free time I want isn¡¯t about what I do, but about having the freedom to do whatever comes to mind.

Time to control my rest and tension and doing what comes to mind right away, that's what I want to do in my free time.
>> Having the ability to balance rest and tension while doing whatever comes to mind, that¡¯s what I truly want in my free time. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
142623 Do you think listening to sad music when you\'re feeling down... ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-20 647
142622 What kind of prank can you do? ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-20 807
142621 My expectations. ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-02-20 4
142620 homework ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2025-02-20 794
142619 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-19 1
142618 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-19 0
142617 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-02-19 1
142616 If you had a different major in university, what could it be?... ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2025-02-19 908
142615 Something to do È«*Àº ¿Ï·á 2025-02-19 683
142614 Describe tulips. À¯*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-02-19 737
142613 The homework for February 17th. Á¶*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-19 638
142612 Sleep is the best medicine for our health ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-02-19 3
142611 What are the biggest challenges facing each country\'s... ±Ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-02-19 3
142610 What are your thoughts on tall people becoming basketball... Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-02-19 683
142609 How have gender roles in Korea changed over the past few decades? °­*À² ¿Ï·á 2025-02-19 2
142608 What¡¯s the best beach to visit in Korea? ¼Û*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-19 3
142607 homework ÀÌ*µµ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-19 806
142606 Homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-19 856
142605 If you could compare your self to anyone, who would it be and... Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-19 765
142604 homework ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-02-19 843

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04