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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

People compete in sports, games, the economy, and many other areas of life. What is good and bad abo

작성자: 이*윤
2025-04-25 1001

회원님의 영작문



Long time no see, teahcer!
Please, check the attached file.
Have a nice day!

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello, Ji Yun!
It was really nice to see you again. ^^ Thank you for doing your homework. :>
You’ve shared a thoughtful and clear perspective on both the positive and negative sides of competition. Nice job explaining your points with examples! Let’s work on organizing your ideas into clearer paragraphs and smoothing out some sentence structures to improve flow. Keep it up!

See you next time! ^^
~ Trixia

CONTENT:
The good thing about competition is that you can work on your own to compete with people, knowing your shortcomings.
- CORRECT.
>>> OR: The good thing about competition is that it allows you to work independently while recognizing your own shortcomings. 
I think the first things I need to do to win the competition can be to figure myself out. Therefore, you will be able to understand yourself, know what you are lacking, and create a posture to work on your own.
- I think the first step to succeeding in a competition is understanding yourself. By doing so, you can identify your weaknesses and develop the mindset needed to grow on your own.
But there are so many bad things about competition.
- However, there are also many negative aspects of competition.
First, you can try bad things to win the competition.
- CORRECT.
>>> OR: First, people may resort to unethical behavior just to win.
If these behaviors are further developed, illegality and corruption will become rampant and society will be unfair.
- If this becomes widespread, it can lead to corruption, illegality, and an unfair society.
Second, it will lead to distrust in all areas.
- CORRECT.
>>> OR: Second, excessive competition can lead to distrust.
If competition intesifies, you won't be able to trust people and make real friends that are important, especially for teenagers.
- You may find it hard to trust others or build genuine friendships, which is especially harmful for teenagers.
Third, hierarchies may be created among people.
- CORRECT.
Those who win the competition can be recognized as upper classes, those who lose the competition can be recognized as lower classes, and can be solidfied with solid ideas. 
- Winners may be viewed as superior, while those who lose may be seen as inferior.
If these ideas are fixed, you will see disrespect and arrogance in people in the upper classes, and people in the lower classes will have the qualifications they have.
- If these ideas are fixed, you will see disrespectfulness and arrogance in people in the upper classes, and people in the lower classes will have the qualifications they have.
 Moreover, they can ruin themselves or make them sick, and they'll become a very bad factor in society.
- This may cause people to feel discouraged, harm their mental health, or even lead to self-destruction—becoming a serious issue for society.

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첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
완료 되는 것을 원칙으로 하고 있습니다.
03
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