¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

People compete in sports, games, the economy, and many other areas of life. What is good and bad abo

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*À±
2025-04-25 1002

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®



Long time no see, teahcer!
Please, check the attached file.
Have a nice day!

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello, Ji Yun!
It was really nice to see you again. ^^ Thank you for doing your homework. :>
You¡¯ve shared a thoughtful and clear perspective on both the positive and negative sides of competition. Nice job explaining your points with examples! Let¡¯s work on organizing your ideas into clearer paragraphs and smoothing out some sentence structures to improve flow. Keep it up!

See you next time! ^^
~ Trixia

CONTENT:
The good thing about competition is that you can work on your own to compete with people, knowing your shortcomings.
- CORRECT.
>>> OR: The good thing about competition is that it allows you to work independently while recognizing your own shortcomings. 
I think the first things I need to do to win the competition can be to figure myself out. Therefore, you will be able to understand yourself, know what you are lacking, and create a posture to work on your own.
- I think the first step to succeeding in a competition is understanding yourself. By doing so, you can identify your weaknesses and develop the mindset needed to grow on your own.
But there are so many bad things about competition.
- However, there are also many negative aspects of competition.
First, you can try bad things to win the competition.
- CORRECT.
>>> OR: First, people may resort to unethical behavior just to win.
If these behaviors are further developed, illegality and corruption will become rampant and society will be unfair.
- If this becomes widespread, it can lead to corruption, illegality, and an unfair society.
Second, it will lead to distrust in all areas.
- CORRECT.
>>> OR: Second, excessive competition can lead to distrust.
If competition intesifies, you won't be able to trust people and make real friends that are important, especially for teenagers.
- You may find it hard to trust others or build genuine friendships, which is especially harmful for teenagers.
Third, hierarchies may be created among people.
- CORRECT.
Those who win the competition can be recognized as upper classes, those who lose the competition can be recognized as lower classes, and can be solidfied with solid ideas. 
- Winners may be viewed as superior, while those who lose may be seen as inferior.
If these ideas are fixed, you will see disrespect and arrogance in people in the upper classes, and people in the lower classes will have the qualifications they have.
- If these ideas are fixed, you will see disrespectfulness and arrogance in people in the upper classes, and people in the lower classes will have the qualifications they have.
 Moreover, they can ruin themselves or make them sick, and they'll become a very bad factor in society.
- This may cause people to feel discouraged, harm their mental health, or even lead to self-destruction—becoming a serious issue for society.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
142121 I want to get a modern hanbok dress this summer! ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-01-22 1798
142120 I wore a vest nowadays which my mother knitted for me! ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-01-22 1445
142119 Do you think that governments should encourage public transport... ¼­*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-22 2
142118 I want to change this answer into a couple of lines ÀÌ*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-22 1419
142117 I want to change this answer into a couple of lines ÀÌ*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-22 1385
142116 I want to change this answer into a couple of lines ÀÌ*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-22 1219
142115 Do people decorate their homes for Lunar New Year? ¼Û*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-22 3
142114 Homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-22 1833
142113 What\'s your wish for Lunar New Year? ³ë*ö ¿Ï·á 2025-01-22 1694
142112 night ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-22 1
142111 America ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-22 1276
142110 1/21 Homework ±Ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-01-22 1
142109 Going to kindergarten before attending primary school. ÇÑ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2025-01-22 1499
142108 In order to make it clear... ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-22 1354
142107 Who is your favorite travel companion, and why? ÀÓ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2025-01-22 1457
142106 FYI I found the definition of \'Several\'. ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-22 1551
142105 Who do you usually talk to on the phone the most? ÀÌ*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2025-01-22 1438
142104 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-01-22 3
142103 Homework & Question ÀÌ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-22 1335
142102 Why do you prefer white wine over red wine? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2025-01-21 1296

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04