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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Which Korean customs are your favorites? What makes them appealing to you?

작성자: 김*경
2025-04-29 657

회원님의 영작문

We Koreans are supposed to pay a visit to their elders on Lunar New year and Korean Thanks giving day – we call it 'Chusuk'. We show our respect to elders by kneeling and bowing down to elders. Sometimes, those elders offer pocket money to young children in return to their bowing. All family sit together and bless each other over sumptuous meals in volume and variety. This ceremony is a must to all Koreans during that period, but through this customs, we have chances to get close to each other in family. As the old saying goes, out of sight, out of mind. But through compulsory customs, family can have chances to talk to and get friendly to each other or resolve the misunderstanding between them. Some westerners may not understand this mass movement for Lunar New Year and 'Chusuk' holidays but I'd say that this movement shows how important and passionate Koreans feel about their family. I like our nation for its family-orientation.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

We Koreans are supposed to pay a visit to their elders on Lunar New year and Korean Thanks giving day – we call it 'Chusuk'. 
>>  We Koreans are supposed to pay a visit to our elders on the Lunar New year and Korean Thanksgiving day; which we call 'Chuseok'.  

We show our respect to elders by kneeling and bowing down to elders. 
>> We show our respect to elders by kneeling and bowing down to them. 

Sometimes, those elders offer pocket money to young children in return to their bowing. 
>> Sometimes, the elders give monetary gifts/cash gifts to young children in return/exchange for bowing. 

All family sit together and bless each other over sumptuous meals in volume and variety. 
>> All families gather together and bless one another over sumptuous meals in abundance and variety.

This ceremony is a must to all Koreans during that period, but through this customs, we have chances to get close to each other in family. 
>> This ceremony is important to all Koreans during the said holidays. Through these customs, we have chances to get close with our family members.
OR >> This ceremony holds significant importance for all Koreans during the mentioned holidays. Through these customs, we have opportunities to connect with our family members.

As the old saying goes, out of sight, out of mind. But through compulsory customs, family can have chances to talk to and get friendly to each other or resolve the misunderstanding between them. 
>> As the old saying goes, out of sight, out of mind. Through these compulsory customs, families can have chances to talk to and get friendly to each other or resolve the misunderstanding between them.
>> OR As the old saying goes, out of sight, out of mind. Through these obligatory customs, families have opportunities to communicate and bond with one another or to resolve misunderstandings that may arise between them.

Some westerners may not understand this mass movement for Lunar New Year and 'Chusuk' holidays but I'd say that this movement shows how important and passionate Koreans feel about their family. I like our nation for its family-orientation.
>> Some Westerners may not understand this tradition for Lunar New Year and 'Chuseok' holidays, but I'd say that this custom shows how important and passionate Koreans feel about their family. I like our nation for its family orientation.
OR >> Some Westerners may not fully grasp the significance of the traditions associated with Lunar New Year and 'Chuseok' holidays, but I believe this custom reflects the deep importance and passion Koreans have for their families. I appreciate our nation for its emphasis on family values.
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첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
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