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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Should children be allowed to use the internet freely? why? or why not?

작성자: 오*영
2025-05-23 553

회원님의 영작문

When I checked the this question I think in my son's case ,at first.
If I would imagine the situation after allowing to use internet freely for my son, it will be horrible.
These youth included my son don't have restrict judgement and they have curious a lot.
Unintentionally, they can take dangerous situations easily, like real crimes or bad news.
Honestly, It has many advantages of using the internet, and we cannot think of far from the virtual world anymore. But, they have to learn and grow their correct knowledge, first.
Therefore my answer is no, because their judgement is not ripe, yet.

Hello, Elly.
Finally, it is on Friday.
But, I don't know why I'm not excited today.
Anyway, I'll try my best at work, too, because next day is on Saturday.
I have a plan to go tracking with my dog and son to Kangwon-do.
There is far from here, but it will be fresh air, because the accommodation is in the middle of a forest.
Have a nice weekend.
See you in next class.
Thank you.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi Stella,
Thank you for taking the time to answer this essay. :)
I agree with your sentiment. The internet is a dangerous place, especially for kids if not used correctly.
So, I think it's good to let them use the internet, but with the adults' guidance and in moderation.

Wow! You have a lovely plan this weekend. I hope it won't be too hot tomorrow.
Have fun and make good memories. :)
- Teacher Elly~


When I checked the this question I think in my son's case ,at first.
>> When I checked this question, I first thought of my son's case

If I would imagine the situation after allowing to use internet freely for my son, it will be horrible.
>> If I imagine the situation after allowing my son to use the internet freely, it would be horrible.
OR >> If I were to imagine the situation after allowing my son to use the internet freely, it would be horrible.

These youth included my son don't have restrict judgement and they have curious a lot.
>> These young people, including my son, don't have strong judgment and are very curious.

Unintentionally, they can take dangerous situations easily, like real crimes or bad news.
>> Unintentionally, they can easily see or come across dangerous content, such as real crimes or bad news.
OR >> Unintentionally, they can easily encounter dangerous situations, such as real crimes or disturbing news.

Honestly, It has many advantages of using the internet, and we cannot think of far from the virtual world anymore. 
>> Honestly, there are many advantages to using the internet, and we can no longer imagine being disconnected from the virtual world
OR >> Honestly, there are many advantages to using the internet, and we can no longer imagine life without the virtual world.

But, they have to learn and grow their correct knowledge, first.
>> But they have to learn and develop accurate knowledge first.
OR >> However, young people must first develop the right knowledge and understanding.

Therefore my answer is no, because their judgement is not ripe, yet.
>> My answer is no, as their judgment is not yet ripe.
OR >> Therefore, my answer is no, because their judgment is not yet mature.

Hello, Elly.
>> CORRECT

Finally, it is on Friday.
>> Finally, it is Friday.

But, I don't know why I'm not excited today.
>> But I don't know why I'm not excited today

Anyway, I'll try my best at work, too, because next day is on Saturday.
>> Anyway, I'll try my best at work too, because tomorrow is Saturday.
OR >> Anyway, I'll try my best at work, too, because the next day is Saturday.

I have a plan to go tracking with my dog and son to Kangwon-do.
>> I have a plan to go trekking with my dog and son to Kangwon-do.

There is far from here, but it will be fresh air, because the accommodation is in the middle of a forest.
>> It is far from here, but there will be fresh air because the accommodation is in the middle of a forest.

Have a nice weekend.
>> CORRECT

See you in next class.
>> See you in the next class.

Thank you.
>> CORRECT
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