무료 레벨테스트 받고 강사평가 남기면 1,OOO원 쿠폰 즉시 적립!

혹시 사이트에선 찾지 못한 궁금한 점이 있으세요?
남겨주신 이메일을 통해 답변 드리겠습니다.

문의하신 내용이 문자로 발송되오니
연락처를 남겨주세요.
업무시간 월~금 오전9시~오후6시
(점심시간 낮12시~오후1시)

영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

What is the implication of having an aging population?

작성자: 최*희
2025-06-16 85

회원님의 영작문

The implication of having an aging population means that the number of elder is much more that young people in this society. From the government position, the income can be decreased for running the country and the youth labors are getting lower in the industry felid. In Korea, the birth rate has been declined for decades so the government introduced a range of policies to resolve this issue but it didn't work well. Because the government couldn't catch the point. They approached this issue very simply. They thought that if we give subsidy when the young people has a baby, then birth rate would be increased. But the policy was failed as we guessed.
Their life is too unstable to have a baby. If there is enough good qulity jobs then the birth rate can be increased naturally.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Thank you for this Ms. Lydia.

The implication of having an aging population means that the number of elder is much more that young people in this society. 
>>> The implication of having an aging population means that the number of elderly is much more that the young people in this society. 
From the government position, the income can be decreased for running the country and the youth labors are getting lower in the industry felid.
>>> From the government position, the income (government fund) can be decreased for running the country and the youth labors are getting lower in different field of industries.
In Korea, the birth rate has been declined for decades so the government introduced a range of policies to resolve this issue but it didn't work well. 
>>>  In Korea, the birth rate has been declining for decades so the government introduced a range of policies to resolve this issue but it didn't work well. 
Because the government couldn't catch the point. They approached this issue very simply. 
>>> Because the government couldn't identify the root cause, they approached this issue very simply/lightly/superficially.  
They thought that if we give subsidy when the young people has a baby, then birth rate would be increased. 
>>> They thought that if we give subsidy when the young people have a baby, the birth rate would be increased.  
But the policy was failed as we guessed.
>>>  However, the policy has failed as we have already expected.
Their life is too unstable to have a baby. 
>>>  Their lives are too unstable to have a baby. 
If there is enough good qulity jobs then the birth rate can be increased naturally.
>>>  If there are enough good quality jobs, then the birth rate can be increased naturally.
번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
144674 Can allowing too much freedom sometimes lead to problems? Why or... 이*태 완료 2025-06-19 49
144673 In what ways do your interests influence your goals? 이*태 완료 2025-06-19 2473
144672 How should parents support their children\'s playtime? 오*영 완료 2025-06-19 49
144671 ㅣ 조*희 완료 2025-06-19 54
144670 homework 이*민 완료 2025-06-19 78
144669 0618 IELTS writing Task1 homework 송*유 완료 2025-06-18 0
144668 Do you think visiting new places is more enjoyable alone or with... 김*순 완료 2025-06-18 72
144667 homework 박*욱 완료 2025-06-18 60
144666 How does waking up early affect productivity? Explain. 신*규 완료 2025-06-18 53
144665 Homework 이*은 완료 2025-06-18 2
144664 What do you think is the biggest change in how families are in... 여*찬 완료 2025-06-18 0
144663 homework 김*우 완료 2025-06-18 2
144662 . 김*인 완료 2025-06-18 60
144661 How is our accent affected by our birthplace? 이*희 완료 2025-06-18 66
144660 . 김*인 완료 2025-06-18 54
144659 No, I don\'t want to try banana ketchup. 유*빈 완료 2025-06-18 57
144658 What can younger people learn from spending more time with older... 이*태 완료 2025-06-18 53
144657 The economy is always a significant concern. How is the Korean... 이*태 완료 2025-06-18 54
144656 How would you feel if someone canceled on you at the last minute? 이*태 완료 2025-06-18 62
144655 What is the best local event or festival in your country? Why? 이*태 완료 2025-06-18 69

HOW TO USE IT?

[마이페이지 > 수업 내용 보기 > 학습 캘린더 > 영작교정 버튼 클릭]

수업 횟수만큼 영작교정 게시판이 생성되며,
지난 날짜에도 게시 할 수 있습니다.

주5회 수업 : 월 20회 이용 가능
주3회 수업 : 월 12회 이용 가능
주2회 수업 : 월 08회 이용 가능
01
교정 내용은 최대 1,000byte까지 올릴 수 있습니다.

첨부 파일은 원활한 첨삭을 위한 참고자료로 사용될 뿐,
파일에 대한 첨삭은 불가능 합니다.

업로드 가능한 첨부 파일은 최대 2mb까지이며,
첨부 할 수 있는 파일 형식은 다음과 같습니다.

문서 - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
이미지 - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
전문 분야를 제외한 회원님이 직접 작성한 글만
첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
완료 되는 것을 원칙으로 하고 있습니다.
03
하루 게시 가능한 글은 3회까지 이며,
종료된 수업의 영작교정 게시판은
이용이 어려운 점 양해 부탁 드립니다.
04

와이즈에듀케이션아이(주) 사이트명: 파워잉글리쉬 대표이사 전상현
사업자등록번호: 217-81-44736 통신판매신고번호: 2014-서울도봉-0233호
서울본사: 서울시 노원구 한글비석로 245 두타빌 B동 7층 713호
대표번호 1688-8672 개인정보관리 책임자: 안희영 [powerenglish@pweng.net]