¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What kind of people are there in your city?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Â÷*Áø
2025-06-19 117

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

There are many kind of people in my city for example doctor, office workers, police officers, firefighter so many kind of people in my city.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Yale!

I'm glad to see you doing your homework again. I hope you're feeling much better overall. 

Here's your first corrected composition. Please go over the revisions given below.   


Cheers,
Jean~~




                          

                                      What kind of people are there in your city?


There are many kind of people in my city for example doctor, office workers, police officers, firefighter so many kind of people in my city.
>>> There are many different kinds of people in my city; for example, doctors, office workers, police officers, and firefighters. My city is full of all kinds of people.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
143993 This year, our product start mass production ÀÌ*Çü ¿Ï·á 2025-05-08 655
143992 ¤Ó Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-08 554
143991 What is the importance of friends? ¿©*Âù ¿Ï·á 2025-05-08 0
143990 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2025-05-08 674
143989 What do you always buy in stores, even if you can make it? ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-05-08 1
143988 What are your strengths? Do you think you are consistent? ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-05-08 2
143987 . ±è*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-07 775
143986 converation1 °í*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-05-07 0
143985 Which disaster do you fear most? ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-07 753
143984 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-05-07 1
143983 Homework ±è*¿î ¿Ï·á 2025-05-07 0
143982 5/1 Homework ±Ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-05-07 0
143981 5/5 Honework ±Ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-05-07 0
143980 5/6 Homework ±Ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-05-07 0
143979 5/7 Homework ±Ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-05-07 0
143978 What is the most challenging household chore for you, and why? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2025-05-07 585
143977 0507 IELTS writing Task2 homework ¼Û*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-07 0
143976 ¤Ó Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-07 522
143975 How does a limited workforce affect customer service? À±*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-07 0
143974 Homework ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-05-07 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04