¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you think technology helps or hurts our sleep? How?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÃÖ*Èñ
2025-07-18 1

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think we will get different result depends on how we use.
Most of technologies have been invented to help people's life. But we need to use it properly.
Let's say that using a cell phone.
If we use a cell phone before getting sleep then it can't be help for us to get a good sleep.
But we must not judge that the cell phone is very harmful for us with that case.
The cell phone is very useful tool when we utilize it properly.
It is very important that the technologies are not guilty, but we are because the users are us.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Lydia!
Thank you for your thoughtful writing! You made some great points. Just a few tips: watch for article use (¡°a tool,¡± not ¡°tool¡±), and try to match plurals correctly (like ¡°technologies¡± with ¡°them¡±). You're doing a great job. Keep it up!
~~Teacher Kate

I think we will get different result depends on how we use.
>>I think we will get different results depending on how we use them.
Most of technologies have been invented to help people's life.
>>Most technologies have been invented to help people¡¯s lives.
But we need to use it properly.
>>CORRECT!
>>OR: But we need to use them properly.
Let's say that using a cell phone.
>>Let¡¯s take using a cell phone as an example.
If we use a cell phone before getting sleep then it can't be help for us to get a good sleep.
>>If we use a cell phone before sleeping, it won¡¯t help us get good sleep.
But we must not judge that the cell phone is very harmful for us with that case.
>>But we must not judge that the cell phone is harmful based on that case alone.
The cell phone is very useful tool when we utilize it properly.
>>The cell phone is a very useful tool when we utilize it properly.
It is very important that the technologies are not guilty, but we are because the users are us.
>> It is important to remember that technology is not to blame, we are, because we are the users.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
145158 Do you prefer mornings or evenings? Explain why. N ±è*¼ø ÁøÇàÁß 2025-07-18 0
145157 Do you prefer learning alone or in a group? Explain why. N ±è*¼ø ÁøÇàÁß 2025-07-18 1
145156 What is he worst behavior you have seen? N ÀÌ*À± ÁøÇàÁß 2025-07-18 0
145155 ¼÷Á¦ N ÃÖ*¿µ ÁøÇàÁß 2025-07-18 0
145154 11 N Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-07-18 1
145153 ¤Ó¤Ó N Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-07-18 1
145152 ¤Ó¤Ó N Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-07-18 1
145151 Have you ever tried a special diet? Describe it. N Á¶*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2025-07-18 1
145150 My favorite board game is \'Halli Galli\'. N À¯*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-07-18 0
145149 7/17 Homework N ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-07-18 4
145148 feeding N ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-07-18 6
145147 H N ¼Û*Çö ¿Ï·á 2025-07-18 1
145146 Do you think technology helps or hurts our sleep? How? N ÃÖ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-07-18 1
145145 Is compromise always necessary in a healthy relationship? Why or... N ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-07-18 0
145144 Animation N ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-07-18 4
145143 ¤Ó¤Ó N Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-07-18 3
145142 . ±è*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-07-17 0
145141 . ±è*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-07-17 1
145140 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-07-17 0
145139 Which Korean product are you most proud of and why? Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2025-07-17 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04