¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Finding what is important

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿ø
2025-08-06 71

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think that is negative competition Because university should be student can finding it that they want
But If student was received low test score sudent couldn't get to favorit major in University
And than , nowadays people changing the perspective of University Because they only want to University name , not care of major
It is more competition situation was made to forget what is the most important

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello there Un! Thanks for your essay! Your idea is valid and interesting opinion, but the meaning is sometimes unclear due to grammar and sentence structure. Check out some revisons. See you!
TEACHER GEMMA
I think that is negative competition Because university should be student can finding it that they want
But If student was received low test score sudent couldn't get to favorit major in University
REVISED VERSION: I think this is a negative form of competition. University should be a place where students can study what they truly want. However, if a student receives a low test score, they often cannot enter their favorite major.

And than , nowadays people changing the perspective of University Because they only want to University name , not care of major
REVISED VERSION: 
These days, many people choose universities based only on their name or reputation, rather than focusing on the major they are interested in.

It is more competition situation was made to forget what is the most important
REVISED VERSION: As a result, students may forget what is really important.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
145040 If people do bad things while drinking, should we blame the... ÀÓ* ¿Ï·á 2025-07-11 3
145039 travel ±è*Áö ¿Ï·á 2025-07-11 268
145038 Gap investment ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-07-11 316
145037 ¤Ó¤Ó Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-07-11 312
145036 What types of diets have you heard of? ¿©*Âù ¿Ï·á 2025-07-11 0
145035 7/10 Àü*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-07-11 271
145034 Homework ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-07-10 1
145033 07/10 Homework ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-07-10 302
145032 homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2025-07-10 269
145031 In 3-5 sentences, talk about your most unforgettable summer... ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2025-07-10 282
145030 Write about the best weekend trip you\'ve ever had. Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2025-07-10 316
145029 What are your social fears and why? Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2025-07-10 305
145028 ¤Ó¤Ó Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-07-10 354
145027 ¤Ó¤Ó Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-07-10 268
145026 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-07-10 2
145025 Do you check the weather forecast every day? Why or why not? ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2025-07-10 312
145024 ¤Ó¤Ó Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-07-10 273
145023 Homework °û*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-07-10 313
145022 What adjectives, in your opinion, best describe your dream job?... ¼Õ*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2025-07-10 290
145021 How can schools create a more engaging learning experience for... Á¶*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2025-07-10 274

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04