¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Finding what is important

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿ø
2025-08-06 74

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think that is negative competition Because university should be student can finding it that they want
But If student was received low test score sudent couldn't get to favorit major in University
And than , nowadays people changing the perspective of University Because they only want to University name , not care of major
It is more competition situation was made to forget what is the most important

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello there Un! Thanks for your essay! Your idea is valid and interesting opinion, but the meaning is sometimes unclear due to grammar and sentence structure. Check out some revisons. See you!
TEACHER GEMMA
I think that is negative competition Because university should be student can finding it that they want
But If student was received low test score sudent couldn't get to favorit major in University
REVISED VERSION: I think this is a negative form of competition. University should be a place where students can study what they truly want. However, if a student receives a low test score, they often cannot enter their favorite major.

And than , nowadays people changing the perspective of University Because they only want to University name , not care of major
REVISED VERSION: 
These days, many people choose universities based only on their name or reputation, rather than focusing on the major they are interested in.

It is more competition situation was made to forget what is the most important
REVISED VERSION: As a result, students may forget what is really important.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
145011 How should someone who committed a crime for some good cause be... ¿©*Âù ¿Ï·á 2025-07-09 0
145010 Do you believe in palm reading or other forms of fortune telling... ½Å*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2025-07-09 308
145009 If you could go for a drive for a few hours, where would you... ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2025-07-09 272
145008 memorable cultural experience in Jindo ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2025-07-09 260
145007 ¤Ó¤Ó Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-07-09 279
145006 ¤Ó¤Ó Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-07-09 767
145005 ¤Ó¤Ó Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-07-09 286
145004 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-07-09 1
145003 Do you think people today are more or less willing to help... Á¶*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2025-07-09 235
145002 test Te*002 ¿Ï·á 2025-07-09 293
145001 Today\'s questions ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-07-09 287
145000 The homework for 8th July. Á¶*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-07-09 288
144999 Homework for today ¾ö*¸° ¿Ï·á 2025-07-09 0
144998 Homework for today ¾ö*¸° ¿Ï·á 2025-07-09 0
144997 English composition ±è*Áö ¿Ï·á 2025-07-09 1
144996 Homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2025-07-09 287
144995 Homework À¯*±â ¿Ï·á 2025-07-09 1
144994 painting ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-07-09 1
144993 What are some ways to inspire others to be more compassionate? ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-07-09 299
144992 university ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-07-09 256

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04