¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

People today increasingly use credit cards to make monthly purchases. Do the advantages of this outw

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±Ç*¿ø
2021-01-26 286

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think the disadvantages of using credit cards outweighs the advantages of it.
One of the reason is if we use credit cards, we don¡¯t now how much we used.
In fact, nowadays most Koreans use credit cards when they pay for somethings
But since we used credit cards, credit delinquents have increased consistently.
Of course, It is easy and convenient to use credit cards than cash, but the result of convenience is to increase credit delinquents.
So, if we use credit cards for our convenience, I suggest using debit cards than credit cards
The other reason is problem of privacy.
Whenever we pay for somethings using credit cards, our private information is stored and used for marketing or promotion by various company.
For example, after we bought something, we have seen advertisements about it again on internet before.
It is proof that our privacy is violated by using credit cards.
In conclusion, I think the disadvantages of using credit cards outweigh advantages for these reasons.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good morning CLEO~! ^^ I'm grateful when you try writing your essays. I see that you are always trying your best in writing and speaking. Keep improving!
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
I think the disadvantages of using credit cards outweighs the advantages of it.
>>> CORRECT
One of the reason is if we use credit cards, we don¡¯t now how much we used.
>>> One of the reason is if we use credit cards, we don¡¯t know how much we could used.
In fact, nowadays most Koreans use credit cards when they pay for some things.
>>> CORRECT
But since we used credit cards, credit delinquents have increased consistently.
>>> CORRECT
Of course, It is easy and convenient to use credit cards than cash, but the result of convenience is to increase credit delinquents.
>>> Of course, it is easier and it's more convenient to use credit cards than cash, but the result of convenience is to increase credit delinquents.
So, if we use credit cards for our convenience, I suggest using debit cards than credit cards.
>>> So, if we use credit cards for our convenience, I suggest the use of debit cards than credit cards.
The other reason is problem of privacy.
>>> The other reason is privacy issues.
Whenever we pay for somethings using credit cards, our private information is stored and used for marketing or promotion by various company.
>>> Whenever we pay for some things using credit cards, our private information is stored and used for marketing or promotion by various company.
For example, after we bought something, we have seen advertisements about it again on internet before.
>>> CORRECT
It is proof that our privacy is violated by using credit cards.
>>> It is a proof that our privacy is violated in using credit cards.
In conclusion, I think the disadvantages of using credit cards outweigh the advantages for these reasons.
>>> CORRECT
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
105026 I do exercise. ¹®*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-26 6
105025 People today increasingly use credit cards to make monthly... ±Ç*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-01-26 286
105024 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-26 1
105023 What is you favorite public transport and why? Á¤*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-01-26 273
105022 Four Restaurants Near My House ±è*Âù ¿Ï·á 2021-01-26 9
105021 Composition º¯*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 1
105020 Would you like to be a farmer or fisherman? (explain your answer) ±è*Áö ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 276
105019 The factors I consider before I take advice Á¶*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 291
105018 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 2
105017 What do you like most about your own culture? ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 262
105016 Success I had in this English class and things I should do to be... ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 264
105015 What\'s your favorite junk food? ±è*¿¹ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 0
105014 Homework (210) ¹Ú*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 316
105013 Are you good at saving money? Please explain. Ȳ*Á¶ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 274
105012 Last weekend. ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 12
105011 Homework ±è*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 1
105010 [1/22]Homework ¹Ú*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 1
105009 grammar ¼Õ*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 431
105008 What do you really hate having to do in your free time? And why... Çã*´Ã ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 10
105007 grammar ¼Õ*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 346

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04