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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Many people spend money and not save it. What are the reasons? Is it a positive or negative developm

작성자: 권*원
2021-01-28 284

회원님의 영작문

These days, many people spend money and don’t save it.
But even 10 years ago, most people think that saving a money is more important than spending it.
Why did we change so much?
The reason is that our values changed compared to past.
In past, we think that future’s happiness is more important than present happiness.
We think that if we save money reducing consumption, we can live in plenty in the future.
But present values are different from the past.
We think present happiness is more important because we don’t know how we become in the future.
Therefore, we spare no expense to enjoy present life.
I think this change of values is positive thing because we only live once and must enjoy every moment.
But it is allowed to an extent that I can pay for some things for myself.
Freedom is given to people who can be responsible for oneself.
Thank you for reading my essay.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

A lovely day to you Cleo~! ^^ One of the most important things to do to become a better writer is simply to read. You’d be hard-pressed to find a great writer who isn’t also a voracious reader. Reading other writers’ work can help you discover new writing methods and expose you to different source material that will improve your writing and inspire you.
Enjoy the experience! 
>>> TEACHER GEMMA 
These days, many people spend money and don’t save it.
>>> CORRECT
But even 10 years ago, most people think that saving a money is more important than spending it.
>>> CORRECT
Why did we change so much?
>>> CORRECT
The reason is that our values changed compared to the past.
>>> CORRECT
In past, we think that future’s happiness is more important than present happiness.
>>> In the past, we think that the future’s happiness is more important than the present happiness.
We think that if we save money reducing consumption, we can live in plenty in the future.
>>> We think that if we save money, reducing our consumption, we can live plenty in the future.
But present values are different from the past.
>>> But the present values are different from the past.
We think present happiness is more important because we don’t know how we become in the future.
>>> We think that the present happiness is more important because we don’t know how we become in the future.
Therefore, we spare no expense to enjoy present the life.
>>> CORRECT
I think this change of values is positive thing because we only live once and must enjoy every moment.
>>> I think this change of values is a positive thing because we only live once and must enjoy every moment.
But it is allowed to an extent that I can pay for some things for myself.
>>> CORRECT
Freedom is given to people who can be responsible for oneself.
>>> CORRECT
Thank you for reading my essay.
>>> CORRECT
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전문 분야를 제외한 회원님이 직접 작성한 글만
첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
완료 되는 것을 원칙으로 하고 있습니다.
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