¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

How do you like your retirement would be like?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Á¤*¿ø
2021-02-03 415

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In this contemporary society, planing our retirement is the important issue, according to expended life span.
When I may retire is around 15 years later from now. I will be almost 60 years old.
In that time, I want to live a leisurely retirement life.
For example, I am going to take a walk two or three times per week for my health and go abroad at least once in a year with my husband if my body condition can cover the trip. Also, I won't stop learning such as foreign languages and doing my hobby, which are knitting and making flowers. Learning makes me feel alive. Furthermore, family should be with me.
I am dreaming a wonderful retirement with my family.
I am a kind of independent person, but I don't want to be alone when I am old.
Having a beautiful retirement is rearlly difficult.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there Young Won!

Indeed retirement is one of the primary considerations when it comes to aging as it is very challenging physically and emotionally. However, it is one of the realities that we have to contend with as it will come whether we like it or not.

Thus, we have to embrace it with readiness.

Thanks once again for being able to craft a very good essay. Excellent job!

-T. Donna =)

In this contemporary society, planing our retirement is the important issue, according to expended life span.
>> Correct!
Or: planning (spelling)

When I may retire is around 15 years later from now. I will be almost 60 years old.
>> When I retire around 15 years later from now, I will be almost 60 years old.

In that time, I want to live a leisurely retirement life.
>> Correct!
Or: >> During that time...

For example, I am going to take a walk two or three times per week for my health and go abroad at least once in a year with my husband if my body condition can cover the trip. Also, I won't stop learning such as foreign languages and doing my hobby, which are knitting and making flowers. Learning makes me feel alive.
>> Correct! Very good sentences!

Furthermore, family should be with me.
>> Furthermore, my family should be with me.

I am dreaming a wonderful retirement with my family.
>> Correct!

I am a kind of independent person, but I don't want to be alone when I am old.
>> Correct!

Having a beautiful retirement is rearlly difficult.
>> Correct!
Or: really (spelling)

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
104738 Office workers uninterested in promotion À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-01-18 1
104737 my hobby is to make furniture ¹Ú*¸í ¿Ï·á 2021-01-18 338
104736 The disadvantages of having your own car Á¶*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-17 400
104735 What are some unhealthy habits that you have? Á¤*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-01-17 349
104734 HOMEWORK Á¤*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-17 0
104733 Who is the most productive person you know personally? ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-17 498
104732 ielts taks 1 ÀÌ*¼® ¿Ï·á 2021-01-17 418
104731 Homework ÀÌ*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2021-01-17 1
104730 Homework ÀÌ*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2021-01-17 1
104729 I think video game is not good for me. ±è*¸® ¿Ï·á 2021-01-17 391
104728 Homework ¹Ú*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2021-01-17 331
104727 Politics ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-17 3
104726 2020 weather disasters boosted by climate change À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-01-17 1
104725 Political circles seek heavier sentencing for child abuse À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-01-17 1
104724 Homework: Àü*¿Á ¿Ï·á 2021-01-17 1
104723 Homework: Àü*¿Á ¿Ï·á 2021-01-17 2
104722 Homework: Àü*¿Á ¿Ï·á 2021-01-17 0
104721 upload last homework ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-17 1
104720 I wish I learn about yoga Á¶*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-16 324
104719 Shrinking Korea : demographic catastrophe looming À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-01-16 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04